Tag Archive: self


I apologise in advance. It’s a very high horse I’m on this evening. I’m happy to confirm that we’re going to ACE Hire tomorrow to get a ladder so I can get down ;-).

What is people’s problem with the speed limit? 

I’m talking to you, clown in a silver Peugeot who overtook me whilst I was making the correct progress, and subsequently cut me up at speed on King Edward Road by Port Jack going uphill with cars parked on the other side of the road this evening.

I’m also talking to you, well known local printing firm van driver, inches from the back bumper of my car with my stepson, and pregnant wife in, again this evening.

That’s two examples from today alone.

It’s the law. The law isn’t negotiable- an absolute figure is given, and you’re either sticking to it or you’re not. Simple. Anything else is selfish and/or dangerous.

I’m a bit cheesed off right now and I apologise.

“Slow down you’re moving too fast, you’ve got to make the moment last”.
Feeling Groovy – Simon and Garfunkel

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Never gonna give you up

Just a quick blog this week- it’s slightly hard to type at the moment, for reasons that will become clear.

There aren’t any links in this post by the way, so don’t worry about being Rick Rolled!

It’s lent, and whilst I’m not into the whole Christianity thing, it’s a good opportunity to try and give something up. I have given up biting my nails. So far, it’s going better than many times I’ve tried it before.

Just a few weeks left now!!

“Never gonna give you up”, Rick Astley

This week’s unique achievement was some DIY.

I planed a new interior door to fit the doorway, and managed to complete the task without any splinters in my testicular area, so it counts as a great success!

The Good Lady Barljo chipped in (ahah!) with excellent planing of the foot of the door, and I finished off with some sawing, before hanging to prove our work, and varnish to finish.

There was a power tool involved in drilling holes for the handle and latch (sorry Neil, I should have included a trigger warning on the post!) but that passed without incident.

I class myself as not particularly practical around the house, but the more I do, I surprise myself at what I can actually do. Things I build tend to stay built, things I put up stay up, and things I take down seem to get taken down with very little drama.

It’s a talent hidden so well, that it’s even hidden from myself- I don’t have faith in the project before I start it, and I am oft amazed when it works.

What’s a thing that you’re good at that nobody (including yourself) expects? Hit up the comments, tweet me, email me. Anything, I’m genuinely interested!

“If I had a hammer I’d hammer in the daytime. I’d hammer in the nighttime. I’d hammer all over this land.”
If I Had A Hammer – Pete Seeger

woah-oh mercy mercy me

… Coz I’m half the man I used to be…

(From Apr 22)

(Well, not quite half, but hey!). The diet went ok. First week of it was slow, but by the second week my body seemed to be used to it, and I was feeling better and looking better. Over the fortnight, I lost about an inch from the middle, and that was just about what I wanted to achieve.

Gig went very well- we had some issues with the sound (new speakers, new desk… All we need is a sound engineer now!), but we hit the ground running and seemed to keep running to the end!

It appears that I have May and June to prepare for the next gig, 1 July… Given my eating habits, I forsee having to do the same again!

I believe in you

To cut a long story short, I’ve been on a diet. Primarily to “toighten” up for the summer, but with the more pressing need to lost about half a stone for the upcoming StoneChase re-debut after an absence. Truth is, if I don’t get weight shifted, I have a feeling that my knees won’t hold out!

My Mum believes in the diet, I believe in the diet, and (most importantly!) Kylie Minogue believes in the diet, as it used to be her pre-tour rehearsal routine. Essentially it’s very Atkins-y, with plenty of salad and grapefruit added.

I’m quite looking forward to it, as there is real food involved so I’ll be cooking (which I enjoy), eating (which I enjoy) and at the end of it, gigging (which I enjoy). Being meat-based, it’s a very short term plan, which I can live with! (If you know me, you’ll know how important cake, pie, and jelly are to me!)

If there’s anything left of me and the knees have held out, I’ll report back!

Happy eating people!

Do you want the truth…

…Or something beautiful?

One of the suggestions from the postaweek tag last week was “Why did you start blogging?”. Also, a general tweet appeared on my twitter stream from a Journo student friend a few weeks ago with a very similar request of “please share with me the reasons you write”.

So, it seems I should answer this before the universe goes to such extremes as freak cloud formations or to keep asking that question…

When my last relationship ended, one of the things I learned was that I keep my thoughts and feelings inside too much (well, was told, but I was actually listening so I feel I learned it!). Since then I’ve heard from someone different the words “closed book”, had some verbal feedback on my blog of “well I just can’t write as vaguely as you do”, and my best friend has used the phrase “well- it’s JB. Who knows what’s going on there!”

So, the blogging answer is simple- it’s to try and get me into the habit of saying what’s on my mind in a frank and open way. I like that people are reading the witterings I put out there, and feel able to feed back to me. It’s always a challenge to write stuff that I know isn’t just public but that I know people who I know will read, and know about me.

But (and isn’t there always a ‘but’?)

I was asked something completely different this week. What I was asked isn’t really important to this blog, but I gave an honest response (equally personal) and I feel good that I felt able to, and also that I did. The ‘but’ kicks in here in that this progress doesn’t feel good, because it was negative answer to a personal question.

Sometimes you’re making progress, sometimes you’re taking two steps backwards… I think I’m making progress in being able to talk about things, and share my vulnerabilities & feelings, yet it seems that progress in other areas will be slow and rocky at best. Maybe I run my life better with the security that only I really know what I’m feeling, but that’s clearly unhealthy as far as all forms of interpersonal relationships go.

So next time you (whoever you are!) ask me a question, I may respond with lines from Paloma Faith’s song and debut album title:

I can be who you want me to be, but do you want me?
Do you want the truth, or something beautiful?

Barljo

*update on last week’s blog: I didn’t tell the person that I think they’re ace. I’d rather not say and have what we have than say it and risk ending up without.*

Which brings me to this week:

Too frequently in the last few weeks it’s been pointed out (mostly directly, once indirectly, but I’m fairly sure I was in the crosshairs!) that maybe I look at things too cynically, always seeing the problems. That got me thinking about self-fulfilling prophecies…

So, maybe my glass isn’t always half full. I don’t think of myself as a cynic, I’ve always felt mine was a healthy realistic viewpoint. But maybe I should relax a bit and take a more “suck-it-and-see” approach to things.

On the other hand, that sounds like it’s going to hurt. I’m a risk-averse person, I know this, and it would seem that as time moves on, I’ve moved away from assessing the risk/reward involved to assessing whether there is any risk. If there is, it appears I don’t take it.

I’ve tried to buck that trend of late (ref parachuting, wave-dodging, audition-applying) but that doesn’t seem to have fed through into every area of my life. I’m not sure if it’s rejection I fear, or hurt, or just disruption to my routine for the risk of only a little gain- maybe I’m more of a spinster than I thought!

So, at some point I need either a) take a leap and break the cycle or b) get some kittens, and call them my babies- kids won’t walk past my place: they’ll run. “Run away from crazy kitten man” they’ll shout. (Erm, that’s a Chandler-from-friends quote by the way, edited to be snake friendly).

In short, I’m far too chicken to step outside my comfort zone. I always have been, and I probably always will be. As much as I may want to change that, it’s far too much who I am. I quite like who I am most of the time, but sometimes I suck. 😉

I’ve also learned a new phrase recently- Secret Single Behaviour (abbreviates to ssb). Descriptive of stuff you do which you know is a bit weird but you do anyway because there’s nobody around to say “dude, that’s a bit weird”.

So right now, I’m off to make sure I have some green jelly in to eat at the weekend when Liverpool are on Match of the Day (ssb alert!)

Barljo